Divorce lawyer wanted ...
- Thread starter bennido
- Start date
how rational are both parties? I just went through a split with my fiancee and sold a house and what not.
We basically decided what was fair between us i am getting my lawyer to draw it up, we didn't see a point in the lawyer getting involved in the negotiation he is just there to make sure it all gets sorted and our decision becomes final.
We basically decided what was fair between us i am getting my lawyer to draw it up, we didn't see a point in the lawyer getting involved in the negotiation he is just there to make sure it all gets sorted and our decision becomes final.
I've just had a couple of clients go through a divorce - it all started well and I actually mediated the initial settlement. However, they could not agree on two particular items, so decided to call in the lawyers. $50,000 later, they have still not decided on those two items and have spent more than what they were fighting over.
If you can use a mediation centre, and there are a few around if you google them, it will be a much better way forward. If you're past, that, maybe you should try another forum for recommendations (such as a family or baby forum?)
Best of luck!
If you can use a mediation centre, and there are a few around if you google them, it will be a much better way forward. If you're past, that, maybe you should try another forum for recommendations (such as a family or baby forum?)
Best of luck!
I would go visit a family lawyer and be prepared with details of all of your assets and income that needs to be divided.
Based on his advice, make a proposal to your wife, if she disagrees, advise her to consult a lawyer and make a counter offer. Maybe you can meet in the middle somewhere to avoid the lawyers getting involved.
It can all be done without lawyers if you can agree, you just need to fill out the consent orders form from the family law courts website. This needs to be submitted and will be assessed to make sure it's fair.
Based on his advice, make a proposal to your wife, if she disagrees, advise her to consult a lawyer and make a counter offer. Maybe you can meet in the middle somewhere to avoid the lawyers getting involved.
It can all be done without lawyers if you can agree, you just need to fill out the consent orders form from the family law courts website. This needs to be submitted and will be assessed to make sure it's fair.
she is only entitled to what she is legally entitled to.
perhaps find out from a lawyer - or mediation centre - what she is legally entitled to, get it in writing and work from there.
it used to be 50/50 if there are only two of you. if there are children involved then the spilt changes - but that depends on the number, dependency and age of the children.
i am not sure if superannuation is included in the calcs. it used to be 10 years ago, then they took it out - but not sure if it's been put back in again.
but, find out your facts, get them in writing, present them in a logical and rational manner in writing, make your offer and then let her stew on it for a while. do everything you can to keep your emotions out of the negotiations, otherwise you give you power away and she will push every button you have. you might seethe and get frustrated on the inside, but never show it.
try not to get the lawyer negotiating for you - just use them for "law" stuff. once you have your "law" stuff then use a mediator.
Bennido, can be a pretty challenging time too, if you were my brother I would want you to know you had support.
Are you aware of mensline?
http://www.menslineaus.org.au/
More specifically a link to sites for mediation services:
http://www.i-dont.com.au/statelisting.aspx?activity=5&state=3
FAQ
http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Faq.aspx
Part of:
What an earlier poster said about mediation through the Courts, I heard specifics just a few days ago, was trying to find the contact, I think it was through this:
http://www.liv.asn.au/public/legalinfo/family/family-Divorce.html
(That is divorce/lawyer stuff but refers also to):
http://www.mediation.com.au/family_dispute_resolution.html
The lawyer I heard talking was encouraging couples to keep away from the Court and lawyers
he felt this was less of financial strain, and personal stress upon couples, it was interesting and helpful.
Are you aware of mensline?
http://www.menslineaus.org.au/
More specifically a link to sites for mediation services:
http://www.i-dont.com.au/statelisting.aspx?activity=5&state=3
FAQ
http://www.menslineaus.org.au/Faq.aspx
Part of:
What an earlier poster said about mediation through the Courts, I heard specifics just a few days ago, was trying to find the contact, I think it was through this:
http://www.liv.asn.au/public/legalinfo/family/family-Divorce.html
(That is divorce/lawyer stuff but refers also to):
http://www.mediation.com.au/family_dispute_resolution.html
The lawyer I heard talking was encouraging couples to keep away from the Court and lawyers
he felt this was less of financial strain, and personal stress upon couples, it was interesting and helpful.lawyers are usually disingenuous & self interested
Our Obsession has posted some good links (again!).
Mate, divorce is never easy and it destroys a lot of perfectly nice people. Men do not cope as well as women and male suicide after divorce is criminally high. Make use of those links from Our Obsession! There are qualified people out there who can help you cope. Most of all, regardless of fault, its crucial that your kids are left as undamaged as possible from your separation.
Lawyers are usually disingenuous (another word for dishonest!) and seldom achieve outcomes that you could not achieve yourself with supportive family/friends who, hopefully, could encourage an orderly and calm discussion so that monies/assets can be fairly distributed in a manner that benefits your kids first, rather than you or your wife.
Invoke the welfare of the kids to make her side of the family see reason and logic.
A calm spouse is more amenable to negotiation than one who is being called names or being influenced by bitter divorced friends who know all their rights and none of their obligations. Have you tried talking or writing to your ex wife's parents to show your good faith? They may have some influence in calming her down so she becomes more reasonable.
Up the ante and use charm, dignity and reason to cool things down at the hornets nest before hiring a lawyer. Write to her if you cant bear to talk to her without shouting,,,,,,remind her of better times when you could both see eye to eye. Refrain from blame, tempting as it may be. And if you've done something remotely wrong in her eyes, it costs nothing to say sorry - its a lot cheaper than having to slug it out in court.
And stop calling her cunning (even if she is) Its counterproductive and will backfire. Grab a copy of Sun Tzu's "The Art of War". You may need it. It's 3000 years old and still in print so it must be good. It's mainly about winning without having to fight. And if pushed to fight, how best to win.
I don't envy you mate. Good luck out there. Keep us posted.
I hope you don;t consider this post glib. I mean well.
Our Obsession has posted some good links (again!).
Mate, divorce is never easy and it destroys a lot of perfectly nice people. Men do not cope as well as women and male suicide after divorce is criminally high. Make use of those links from Our Obsession! There are qualified people out there who can help you cope. Most of all, regardless of fault, its crucial that your kids are left as undamaged as possible from your separation.
Lawyers are usually disingenuous (another word for dishonest!) and seldom achieve outcomes that you could not achieve yourself with supportive family/friends who, hopefully, could encourage an orderly and calm discussion so that monies/assets can be fairly distributed in a manner that benefits your kids first, rather than you or your wife.
Invoke the welfare of the kids to make her side of the family see reason and logic.
A calm spouse is more amenable to negotiation than one who is being called names or being influenced by bitter divorced friends who know all their rights and none of their obligations. Have you tried talking or writing to your ex wife's parents to show your good faith? They may have some influence in calming her down so she becomes more reasonable.
Up the ante and use charm, dignity and reason to cool things down at the hornets nest before hiring a lawyer. Write to her if you cant bear to talk to her without shouting,,,,,,remind her of better times when you could both see eye to eye. Refrain from blame, tempting as it may be. And if you've done something remotely wrong in her eyes, it costs nothing to say sorry - its a lot cheaper than having to slug it out in court.
And stop calling her cunning (even if she is)
Its counterproductive and will backfire. Grab a copy of Sun Tzu's "The Art of War". You may need it. It's 3000 years old and still in print so it must be good. It's mainly about winning without having to fight. And if pushed to fight, how best to win. I don't envy you mate. Good luck out there. Keep us posted.
I hope you don;t consider this post glib. I mean well.
a big psycological barrier for both parties to overcome is that two halves does NOT make two wholes.
it is very common for both parties to feel ripped off because they suddenly can't have the nice house or overseas holidays or dining out or new car or (whatever) they'd been able to afford in the past as a couple.
i can only echo what bobbie said - keep your dignity, stay even tempered, switch off and don't react if slanging starts and be polite at all times.
been there - done that - and sometimes a simple disinterested "so?" or smile deflates their entire tirade.
it is very common for both parties to feel ripped off because they suddenly can't have the nice house or overseas holidays or dining out or new car or (whatever) they'd been able to afford in the past as a couple.
i can only echo what bobbie said - keep your dignity, stay even tempered, switch off and don't react if slanging starts and be polite at all times.
been there - done that - and sometimes a simple disinterested "so?" or smile deflates their entire tirade.
